every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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