My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
