ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
