Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
