she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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