So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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