Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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