you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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