Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
