I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
