I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
