Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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