just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
well you can't waste a boner
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
