it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
