Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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