If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
