so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i came on her dog
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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