we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
