im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
