Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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