Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
