I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
