"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
