we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
