Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
