operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
