I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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