i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My penis needs a shock collar
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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