I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
