Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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