so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk is not a location!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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