I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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