College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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