He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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