Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
