Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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