The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
