Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
