Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
