and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
