Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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