if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
