It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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