I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
