Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
