I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
