Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize