i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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