i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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