fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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