guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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