I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
