She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
