We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
