i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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