I'm gonna have a badass scar
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
