There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
