yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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