Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
