im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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