I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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