A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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