what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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