is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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