Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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